Encountering Others

I bumped into someone in the grocery store yesterday. She had heard about my illness but wasn't sure of the particulars. These encounters are especially hard for me. Not that I mind people asking...I appreciate their concern. How do I shorten this 2 plus years into a conversation that is understandable next to the broccoli and collard greens? It was late in the day, which is generally the time I am on the couch, so I was tired, and feeling a little dizzy. I just wanted to get home.

This person continued to ask questions with deeper interest and I could see her face turning pale. I have had this reaction before. It's generally before people's eyes glaze over. It usually means one of two things. They are in shock and tuned out and planning their escape from the conversation OR they are connecting the dots in their own head, about unexplained aches and pains they or a family member has; symptoms that a doctor can't define. I could tell she wanted me to continue to talk, tell her more specifics. She was looking more and more serious and talked about how she always did her own yard work, has along history of camping and hiking. She is a nurse, so I told her about Igenex and mentioned that if she was really worried to do a blood draw and maybe it would answer some of her questions. I explained I really needed to leave, and I wasn't feeling well. I took what I had in my cart checked out and left.

I was exhausted when I got home. Not only from the busy day I had, but from the conversation. I, like all Chronic Lyme patients suspect that most people who have spent time outside, especially in endemic areas like upstate New York where I live, are harboring some kind Tick Borne Disease. The lucky ones are those whose immune systems are never challenged and it remains dormant. The unlucky ones are like me...something tips the scales, either another bite, or an illness and all hell breaks loose, my immune system couldn't hold it off any longer.

I don't know what this person will do. She may call me if she wants.....maybe not. Talking about this disease with people who are unfamiliar is a challenge. You can really look like "The Crazy Lyme Lady" if you aren't careful. The fact of the matter is that Lyme Disease is the number one Infectious Disease in the US. Everyone is at risk, unless you live in a bubble. People in rural areas are living among the ticks, and people who live in Urban areas aren't completely safe.

I am blessed that I have made some really good friends with people who are struggling with this disease. I also have a few friends who aren't sick who try to keep up, listen when I blather on and try their best to understand the treatment protocols and how they effect me. There have been some people who have lost patience with a sick friend and therefore drifted away. I guess I understand, but I suspect I will understand better, if I ever get well.

I walk the fine line of allowing the disease which has overtaken me to overtake all my encounters with people. Is it better to talk about it, or be silent? I think it depends on the person. Lyme Disease has completely changed my life, my thought patterns and feelings about people. It has caused me great introspection and rocked my beliefs. It is difficult for me not to bring this baggage to conversations, right now. Hopefully one of the benefits of getting well, means that I will no longer have to wear this disease like a badge.