Playing Outside And Never Going On The Grass

I used to play outside all the time as a kid. I grew up in a neighborhood where I could ride my bike, play hide and seek, tag, kickball, make forts with leaves and all kinds of great fun. I always felt better playing outside with my friends, getting exercise and running around. The town I lived in is home to a college campus and the campus fields were directly across from my street. We used to go over to the fields and hide in the 3 foot tall grass, and pop out at each other. I remember summer days my mother packing a bag lunch so my friends and I could go over the fields, sit under the tree and eat. Sometimes we would see deer not far way, and we would be so careful not to disturb them. They were so gentle and beautiful. We shared the wide open spaces with bunnies, and squirrels, chipmunks and birds, and thought it was neat to be a part of their world.

Getting older, brought less time outside except to help mow the lawn and do the yard work. I enjoyed being outside even though it was more about work and less about play. Of course we went to to local parks on some hikes, took vacations at the Finger Lakes, and went on a few camping trips here and there.

When I had my children, I was so happy to revisit my fondness for the outdoors. I wanted them to enjoy the outdoors as much as I did. When they were really little, I took them outside everyday so they could play in the yard. They played all the same childhood games I used to play in our neighborhood. I would encourage them to go outside everyday after school, to get their "wiggles" out. All the kids in the neighborhood played together. It was great watching them run and play. They always had a good appetite and slept well at night. I was certain that they would grow up into wholesome grounded adults with an appreciation for the gifts of nature. The kids were involved in sports during school. Like all the other mom's, I'd sit at the fields and enjoy the fresh air and sunshine.

Since being diagnosed with Lyme and living the nightmare of a Chronic Lyme Disease patient, I no longer walk on the grass in my yard, or on any grass in any ones yard. My path to the car is either through the garage or straight out the front door and down the sidewalk to the driveway. I will go on no hikes, no camping trips, no picnics. If I go to a park, I head directly to the sidewalk, and don't let my feet slip from that concrete. I no longer do any yard work, pull weeds or trim shrubs. I will sit on my deck, with great caution, knowing how ticks like to hide in the dampness between the decking. The woods on our property are 25 feet from my back door. I watch the deer, squirrels, chipmunks, bunnies and birds from my sliding glass door, and now only view them as tick delivery vessels which aid the persistence of devastation, pain and illness.

It saddens me that it has to be this way. I miss what used to make me feel good about life. The confinement of being sick with Lyme, causes me to mourn the freedom of the outdoors. I miss the life I used to have. I had no idea how serious this disease could be. Had I known I would certainly have been more careful. How could we not have known?